So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
