'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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