Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize