Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
