i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
