worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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