Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
