Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
