He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
