didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
