Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
