Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
