dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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