Non-Jews are for practice
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
