yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just gift wrapped bread.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
