but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
