She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
