i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
