I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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