So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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