I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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