OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
