Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
