sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
