I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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