I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
