hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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