Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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