I saw his package. It spoke to me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
