shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
