I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
