We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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