Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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