so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
