I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
