Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
