did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
