Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
