Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
