Duck Duck Cougar?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
