i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
