Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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