It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
