Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
