My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
