he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
