i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
