remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
