Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't put those talents on a resume
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
