they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
