can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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