Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
