I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
