So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
