My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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