if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
